


This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

by stick2theplan



Series: The Cat, the Canary, and the Dinosaur - Universe [6]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU, DCU (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Humor, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lois ex machina?, Matchmaking, Multiverse, Post-Infinite Crisis (DCU), Sara does everyone else’s job, where even are the Monitors?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 21:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13349976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stick2theplan/pseuds/stick2theplan
Summary: The multiverse is not a damn playground, and Prime Earth Sara is furious.(Mostly SuperCorp with some Nyssara)





	This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

**Author's Note:**

> Considering how behind I am on the shows, there shouldn’t be any spoilers, except something insignificant that I saw on Caity’s insta. Which, incidentally, was what inspired me to finally finish this.

The trilling of the phone echoed through the mostly empty halls of Star Labs, sounding just over the noise of Cisco’s current project. He waited three rings to see if someone else would pick up before resigning himself to deal with the wild card that was their public phone line. When he reached for it, though, he was relieved to see a familiar surname displayed on the screen. “Hello?”

“I’m _bored_.”

“Uhhh, Sara?” Cisco guessed, setting aside the blowtorch. 

A snort echoed down the line, followed by, “No, this is Pepper Potts-Stark. Obviously it’s me, Cisco. Don’t tell me Star Labs has a special treadmill for speedsters but can’t splurge on caller ID.”

“Hey, you called from your shared line,” he pointed out. “How was I supposed to know which Drake—”

“How often does my wife call you to say she’s bored?”

Cisco huffed and picked up the blowtorch again. “I know you’re pregnant and all, but yeesh. Why you gotta be so mean?” 

Sara scoffed back, “Whatever, Taylor Swift. I’m bored and I need your help to be unbored.” 

“Wait, seriously? You know, normal humans try to be nice before they ask for a favor.” 

“Cisco!” Sara whined. 

“Alright, fine,” he said, pushing away from his workbench and giving up on getting anything done for the time being. “Hit me with your best shot.”

“Okay, now you’re doing it on purpose.”

“And, if you want a favor from me, you won’t complain. So what’s up, Sara?”

On the other end of the line, Sara heaved herself out of the armchair. “I wanna do some sightseeing. I need you to take me to another Earth.” 

“Right, so, by sightseeing, you mean participate in an ongoing Justice League mission, even though both Nyssa and Batman have benched you until Tweety is born?”

“Way to go, Cisco,” Sara replied impatiently, moving to stand in front of the hotel mirror. “Now you can’t claim ignorance. Listen, everyone else is out there exploring other Earths, trying to find whoever keeps screwing around outside their own universe. It’s just recon. I can do recon.” 

“You want to help with an op that heavily relies on being inconspicuous while you’re, like, twenty months pregnant?”

“You say that like it’s a bad idea.” Frowning at the wide stripes stretched across her belly, Sara put the phone on speaker, set it down, and tugged the shirt off. 

“And this definitely isn’t a prank call?”

“Come on, Francisco. It’s a simple request. Nys won’t let me do anything interesting anymore and I’m dying of boredom.” 

“Most people would get, like, a day job, Sara,” Cisco pointed out. “Instead of asking their friends to traverse the multiverse.” 

Sara grabbed an oversized, cream, cable-knit sweater from her suitcase and pulled it over her head. “You owe me,” she insisted. 

“For what?” 

One perk of being short was that, despite her basketball-sized belly, the sweater was still long enough to fall to mid-thigh. Really, any excuse to keep on her leggings and not bother with those terrible maternity jeans. “I’m sure there’s something.” 

“Fine,” Cisco relented, “when do you want to go?”

“I can be there in fifteen minutes,” Sara said, tilting her head at her reflection. 

“Today?!”

“Yeah. Nyssa’s on some “business” in Central City, so I’m already in town.” She deemed the outfit passable and zipped up her boots. “Okay, I’ve got to call an Uber. See you in a few.” Cisco started to say something else, but her finger was already on the end call button. 

—ii—

“Cisco, where the heck are we?” Sara asked, examining the sleek decor of the office they’d landed in. 

“I dunno, but this is dope,” he said, turning in circles to take it all in. “I want a balcony like this.” 

“Your office is below ground.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He frowned. “The file said Earth-38, National City. I tried to stay general, but National City always makes me think of Supergirl.”

“So Kara’s probably around here somewhere, right?” 

Sinking into the desk chair, Sara swiveled around to look out the enormous picture windows. “I know it’s the enchantment, but looking down and seeing a flat stomach while I can feel the baby moving around inside me is f–reaking weird.” She was wearing one of Zatanna’s charmed, appearance-altering pendants, designed specifically for these recon missions to disguise the wearer as someone from the Earth they were investigating. “Can’t say I’m a fan.”

“I wonder if Zatanna had to plan out special cases of the enchantment for a pregnant person. I bet she assumed you’d do something like this.” Cisco mused. “Hey, are you not swearing?”

Sara shrugged. “Trying to kick the habit a little. Don’t want the chicky’s first word to be R-rated.”

“While that would be _hilarious_ to witness, I feel like Nyssa would not be amused.”

“She wouldn’t. Like, at all,” Sara confirmed.

A magazine on the desk caught her eye, and she nudged Cisco. “Powerhouse Dinah Lance answers our questions and questions our answers,” he read aloud. “That’s your face. Or…you know what I mean.” 

It was. Somehow, Sara’s magical disguise chose to present as not only a Lance, but one who’d managed to land herself on the cover of Vanity Fair. 

“Laurel’s full name is Dinah Laurel Lance,” Sara pointed out. “Maybe she’s, like, if my parents only had one kid or something.”

“A world without the Lance sisters. Freaky.” 

After scanning the office once more, Cisco announced, “I should go. I dropped Nightwing on Earth-11 a few hours ago. Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Ye of little faith! I’m a ninja, Cisco. I’ll be fine. Go extract the Boy Wonder before half the population falls in love with him.”

As the portal blinked out of existence, the sound of the doorknob turning startled Sara. Sh…oot. So much for being inconspicuous. But, to be fair, it totally wasn’t her fault Cisco had dropped her off in someone’s office, a few dozen stories too high to escape via the balcony. Still seated, she turned away from the door and racked her brain for a plan. 

“Who are you, and what are you doing in my office?” demanded a female voice.

Hesitating to respond, Sara scanned her field of view for some clue as to who she was dealing with. Unfortunately, the only embellishment she could see, an “L-Corp” logo, didn’t ring any bells except that it sounded like—

Another, heavier set of footsteps preceded, “Lena—er, Miss Luthor, I mean…oh.”

Oh, indeed. Had Sara actually stumbled upon an Earth where Lex Luthor was slightly less of an egomaniac? (Because, seriously, who incorporates using their first name?)

But the Lena of home was trustworthy, and, if she was accompanied by Supergirl, maybe this one was, too. “Heeeyyy,” Sara hedged tentatively as she slowly spun around. 

A younger-looking, but equally chic, Lena Luthor blinked and spluttered, “Wait, Dinah Lance?” At her elbow, Supergirl bore the same wide-eyed expression. 

“Do we know each other?” Sara asked, fishing for information on how they were connected in this universe. 

“What do you—” Lena frowned deeply. “You’re the CEO of Al Ghul Industries. Of course I know you.” 

“Al Ghul Industries?” _Did that mean…_?

“My greatest competitor?” Lena specified. Which implied that she was in charge instead of Lex. Weird. 

Supergirl’s mouth twisted oddly, as if she was trying to place Sara—or Sara with Dinah’s face, technically—but she schooled her features and said, “I think I’d better go. Miss Luthor, we’ll continue our discussion another time.”

“There’s nothing more to discuss,” she huffed in reply, clearly on edge. “I’m perfectly capable of doing my own risk assessment.” 

The familiarity of that debate almost made Sara laugh out loud. Much like Nyssa and Clark, the Kara of her Earth was pretty overprotective, and her Lena constantly tried her patience with unnecessarily dangerous stunts. Seemed like the same was true here.

Supergirl took off before Sara could come up with an excuse to make her stay, so she asked Lena, “You’re friends with Kara Danvers, right? I actually wanted to talk to both of you.” If anyone would know about weird stuff happening in National City, it was the last daughter of Krypton. 

Lena’s jaw flexed. “I usually prefer to discuss business arrangements privately before involving the press,” she said irritably, though her phone was already in her hand and unlocked.

“Business arrangements?”

“Is this supposed to be a threat?” Lena asked impatiently, gesturing to Sara, who was still seated in her chair. 

“Oh, sorry!” Sara apologized, realizing how that must’ve seemed like a power play, given who Lena thought she was. She hauled herself out of the chair, still feeling the weight of her huge belly even though it was invisible, and put on her best formal tone. “I’m here because I need your help. I think I may have come across something…unprecedented. You have the requisite scientific resources and good intentions, and I understand Miss Danvers is in contact with Supergirl.” 

Lena still looked skeptical, so Sara insisted, “I swear, I’m not your enemy.”

Eventually, the brunette nodded warily, reclaimed her chair, and gestured for Sara to take one of the free seats across the desk. 

When Kara strolled in moments later, because she was “already in the area,” she hesitated very briefly to be introduced to “Dinah Lance” and politely shake Sara’s hand. Then, she barreled right back into the argument she’d just left off by prefacing, “Supergirl told me…” 

Lena complained that she already got enough grief from Supergirl and didn’t need to hear it from her friend, too, but she allowed herself to be sucked back into the disagreement. The distraction was actually a relief for Sara, who still hadn’t come up with a plan. She noticed, as she compared the Kara and Lena in front of her to the doppelgängers of her universe, how careful the former was about referring to Supergirl as a separate person and how differently the latter behaved around Kara out of uniform. 

“Wait,” Sara cut in, “I thought this was for my benefit, but does Little Luthor really not know?”

“Know what?”

Sara simply raised an eyebrow at Kara. 

A moment of concentration wrinkled the girl’s brow, then faded as realization dawned in her eyes. “You’re not this Earth’s Dinah, are you?” she accused warily. 

“And you’ve been interfering in other universes,” Sara returned, just as accusatory. 

“If you’re here, so have you!”

“Only to clean up after you, Kara Zor—” 

The resounding sound of Lena’s palms hitting her desk silenced them. “Enough,” she barked. “If you aren’t Dinah Lance, then who are you?” 

After a brief internal debate, Sara decided to do what she had to for the sake of the mission. Zatanna or J’onn would take care of any memories that might jeopardize her safety. “Uh…how much science non-fiction can you handle?” she asked. 

The look Lena gave her could’ve dried up the Atlantic. 

Sara poked her “doppelgänger’s” face on the magazine cover. “That’s not me. I’m from a parallel universe.” 

“I see. Interesting,” Lena mused, leaning back in her chair and tilting her head slightly. She seemed to feel significantly less threatened by Sara. 

“You’re pretty chill about this,” Sara noted. “Some people, y’know, freak out and sh—stuff.” 

“The multiverse theory is not exactly a novel concept in the scientific community. Once upon a time, I might’ve been shocked to see it confirmed, but now I am acquainted with a bulletproof alien girl who shoots lasers from her eyes. This is rather par for the course.” 

The part of Sara that lived to meddle couldn’t help but wonder what she meant by acquainted. Because last time Sara saw her own Earth’s Lena had been at their Christmas party, where Lena had been well acquainted with Kara’s tonsils beneath a sprig of mistletoe after a few mugs of eggnog. 

“Prove it,” Kara demanded, eyes hard and distrustful. “Prove you’re from another Earth.” 

Sara hesitated, anxiety creeping into her veins and her instincts objecting wildly. Slowly, she lifted the cord of the pendant over her head. 

“Wait, Sara?” gasped Kara, startling both Lena and the other blonde. The suspicion in her expression was gone, replaced with a combination of excitement and concern. “What are you doing here? Are you, are you pregnant?” Before anyone else could even open their mouth, she continued, “Lena, do you mind…could Sara and I…?” As a responding frown etched itself deep into Lena’s features, she rambled, “I know, more secrets. I’m sorry, and I swear I’ll explain everything soon. Just…please, don’t hate me.”

Lena’s world-weary sigh was one for the books. “Fine, she huffed, “you can use the balcony. I need to make a call anyway.” 

Before stepping outside, Sara put the pendant back on. There were way too many potential threats in this unfamiliar world outside the moderate seclusion of Lena’s office. Once the glass door closed, she questioned, “It is you, isn’t it, who’s been visiting other Earths?” 

“Well, yeah,” Kara admitted, “with Alex and everyone.” 

“Everyone?! Oh, god, who is _everyone_?” 

Looking taken aback, Kara reached for Sara’s shoulder and asked, “ Sara, what’s going on? Why are you acting like you weren’t there?” 

“I wasn’t!” Sara snapped. She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, “Of course one of my doppelgängers is involved in this. Of course.” 

Besides the clear disappointment that Sara wasn’t the version she knew, Kara was sympathetic to her obvious distress. When Sara explained that she needed to know what had happened and who else was involved, the Kryptonian instantly launched into a story. The events she described—a wedding, and Nazis, and evil doppelgängers—sounded sort of like a low-budget remake of something from the Justice League’s history in Sara’s own universe, but it did earn Kara and her ragtag gang a little slack. 

“You’re not going to like this,” Sara prefaced apologetically, “but no more inter-dimensional extrapolators. No more swapping residents from other Earths around the multiverse like they’re trading cards. No more popping over to _another universe_ to hang out with your “friends.”” Oh, man. Not the puppy dog pout. “Don’t look at me like that,” she demanded. “Creating too much artificial overlap in the dimensional pockets is dangerous. If you think what you just dealt with was a crisis, you aren’t ready for threats like the Anti-Monitor.” 

“What if they need my help again?” 

Sighing, Sara ran a hand through her hair tiredly. Trying to tell a superhero to ignore a distress call was useless. “When I get home, I’ll send Batman to talk to you,” she said finally, resisting the urge to facepalm when Kara asked who that was. A wave of homesickness washed over her. 

“I need to sit down.” 

As they reentered the office, Kara squirmed and pouted guiltily at the obvious disappointment radiating from Lena. Maybe it was for the best that Lena didn’t know about Kara’s secret identity, because her poker face was terrible. And, if she started looking at Supergirl the way she looked at Kara, the superhero’s cover would be blown pretty quick. That, or they’d have to deal with the same scrutiny that Lois and Clark did whenever another rumor about the nature of her relationship with Superman made the rounds. 

“Sara, was it?” Lena asked, avoiding eye contact with Kara as she leaned forward and reached across her desk. She shook Sara’s hand and smiled. “Good to properly meet you. I must admit, I’m relieved that you are not the real Dinah Lance.”

“She that bad?” inferred Sara jokingly. 

“Just the opposite, actually. Her popularity with the public only serves to remind me how unpopular I continue to be.” 

“People just like her because they think she’s relatable,” Kara blurted out. She glanced furtively at Lena and then frowned down at her hands in her lap. “Lena’s done a lot more philanthropic work. That’s what counts.” 

For crying out loud. 

“Please, just kiss and make up,” Sara said flippantly. “A little PDA won’t bother me.” 

Both Kara’s and Lena’s eye went wide, and they stared at her in silence until Lena managed to squeak out, “Why…who…why would we…what?”

“You’re together, right?” Sara asked, carefully casual.

“What? No,” Kara intoned in a way that sounded more confused than anything. “Why would you think that?”

Maybe because they were too old for angsty mutual pining? “I assumed it’d be the same as my Earth,” Sara fibbed. Should she have been interfering? No, probably not. Querl would be furious if he knew. But she wasn’t about to give them any substantial, or even exactly truthful, information, so…no harm, no foul, right?

Lena raised an eyebrow. “We’re together on your Earth?”

“Not that they’ll admit,” Sara said with a grin. “But…they’re not very subtle.”

“Well, we’re not!” Kara exclaimed. “We’re, we’re just—Lena’s my friend. Best friend! Yeah.”

Lena, on the other hand, seemed more interested in her doppelgänger than denial. “What do you mean by not very subtle?” 

“Oh, you know. Like, Lena—our Lena— _always_ wears dark lipstick. And Kara doesn’t even own tinted lip balm. So it doesn’t take the world’s greatest detective to figure out what went down at Wally’s birthday party when your doppelgängers reappeared right in time for cake wearing the same shade of red wine.” 

Kara blushed deeply, and Lena licked her lips self-consciously, but they studiously avoided eye contact with each other. If Sara had had any doubts that they wanted each other, those doubts were squashed. Their skittishness struck her as kind of cute, and she might’ve let the whole thing go if it weren’t for four months of pent up mischief. 

In other news, Sara might’ve been using her pregnancy as an excuse for being her authentic self. Oh, well. 

“Then,” she said, grinning mischievously, “there was the time I walked in on them doing…let’s just say, they were both so focused on the—ahem—activity that they didn’t even hear me open or close the door.” 

_Okay, so maybe that had been Kara and Lena who walked in on her and Nyssa, but…_

Kara gesticulated wildly. “Aha! Now I know you’re lying! There’s no way I wouldn’t hear you coming.”

Sara smirked, because Kara hadn’t told Lena about her heroic endeavors as Supergirl and therefore had no safe response to, “Why ever would you say that, Kara?” And, because Sara wasn’t good at moderation, she added, “You don’t think Lena’s capable of driving you to distraction? She is very pretty.” 

For the first time that afternoon, Lena’s pale complexion turned pink, and she looked utterly mortified. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean—” Kara scrambled. “It’s not…I just…” She was wringing her hands desperately. “I’m sure she…Lena’s beautiful, but she’s my friend.” She turned to Lena finally. “Right? We’re friends, right?” There was a panicky lilt to her voice, and Sara started to feel bad. 

Lena nodded slowly, biting her lip. “Yes,” she agreed. “You’re my only real friend in National City.” A crease formed between her eyebrows. “Which is why what happens between our…doppelgängers on Sara’s Earth is irrelevant. They are _doppelgängers_ , not replicants of ourselves. Their emotions and life experiences don’t match our own.”

She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than anyone else. 

“Sure,” Sara pretended to agree. “Things are different where I’m from. Why would this you have feelings for this Kara, right?”

“Hey! Why not?” 

Shifting in her seat to get more comfortable, Sara raised an eyebrow. “Come on, Kara. You gotta admit she’s kinda out of your league.”

“No, I don’t! I don’t have to admit that!”

“I mean, look at her. She’s literally one of the most powerful people in the world.” Sara laid her imaginary dominos carefully. “ _And_ she’s nice. Most of us average Joes would practically have to fall into toxic waste and become a metahuman to get on her level.”

Kara scowled and grumbled under her breath, “Or not be human at all.” Then, more distinct, she said, “Seriously, Sara? I thought you were my friend! I can’t believe you think I’m not good enough for Lena.”

“I never said that,” Sara placated. “You’re a great catch. Anyone would be lucky to have a shot with you.”

“But you still think Lena could do better.” 

“Not better, just…maybe Supergirl might be more her speed.” 

Though Kara opened her mouth to respond, Lena cleared her throat, startling both blondes. “Excuse me,” she said with practiced calm, “perhaps I should clarify some things.” When Sara waved her to go ahead, she remarked, “Firstly, I am not interested in pursuing Supergirl.” 

The whimpering, kicked puppy demeanor that Kara exuded was practically audible, but Lena continued, “She’s quite sweet, but I hardly know her. Not to mention, she’s practically perfect all the time. Who wouldn’t struggle to feel worthy of that? Second, I’d actually argue that Kara is too good for—”

“Miss Luthor?” a slightly tinny voice interrupted, “Miss Lane is here for your meeting.”

All three women in the office looked at each other, wide eyed. Lena hastily leaned over the intercom and asked her assistant for a moment. Sara, however, grinned gleefully as she asked Kara if Lois could be trusted. At Kara’s fervent confirmation, Lena shrugged as if to say, “why not?” and informed Jess to send her in. 

When Lois strode into the office, Sara twisted to beam at her over the back of her chair, chirping, “Hey, Lo. Sorry to crash your appointment.” 

Glancing from Sara to Lena to Kara, Lois, always in the mindset of investigative journalist, asked the most pressing question first: “Dinah Lance, what the hell are you doing in Lena Luthor’s office, and why was I not offered an exclusive?” 

Oh, right. Magical disguise. 

“Uh, I’m not Dinah Lance?”

“Really?” Lois drawled sarcastically. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest, the ever-present pen in her hand tapping against her ribs as it tucked under her arm. If it were anyone but Lois Lane, for whom this pose was nearly iconic, one might’ve worried for how her pristine, white button-up would fair if she wasn’t careful. “Then who are you, and why do you have my best friend’s face? Tread carefully. Tomorrow’s paper could use a bigger headline.” 

Lois was just so _Lois_ , and Sara was homesick and hormonal enough to take the pendant off again, because how could she not trust Lois Lane? Not that it mattered; one of her telepathically skilled fellow League members would ensure that no one from this Earth remembered her. 

“I’m Sara Drake, formerly Lance,” she said, rising with moderate effort and turning to fully face Lois. “ _This_ is my face, and I’m from elsewhere in the multiverse…Tada.”

Lois studied her with narrowed eyes. “You kind of sound like Dinah,” she declared. 

“Makes sense. I think you got her instead of me.”

“Are we close on your Earth?” 

“Inseparable.” 

Pursing her lips, Lois hummed, then asked, “What’s my least favorite section of the paper?” 

Sara beamed. “It’s not so much that you hate the gossip column as that you think Cat Grant is a Class A witch.” 

“Good enough for me,” Lois announced, finally breaking into a grin of her own and hugging Sara. “Jeez, you’re _really_ pregnant. The most exciting thing about Dinah’s love life is that she gave in and downloaded Tinder. Do we think the father exists on this Earth? I need couple friends.”

“Mother,” Sara corrected instinctively, thinking fondly of double dates with the Kents. “And there’s a chance she does, but it’s a lot safer if we don’t influence each other’s universes too much, so that’s all I’m saying.” 

Lois pouted. “I’m so jealous of your version of me.”

The slight shifting of a chair brought their attention back to Kara and Lena, who were gaping at them. Waving away the wide eyes dismissively, Lois snickered, “Please. Like I didn’t already know about the multiverse.”

A surprised Lena wondered aloud, “Yet the public hasn’t been made aware?” 

“Woah,” Sara huffed, sinking back into her seat out of necessity. “Back off, Lil Luthor. I like you, but Lois is still my best friend. Maybe keep your snide remarks to yourself.”

“Calm down, Sara,” Kara mediated, backed by a nod from Lois. “No one’s attacking anyone. I think Lena’s just surprised that Lois would sit on a story like this. Which, you know, is fair.”

“I haven’t written the story because I’m worried how it will impact the people I care about,” Lois explained pointedly. “Plus, there’s no reason to send millions of people into existential crises over something that doesn’t have anything to do with them. Once there’s a real threat of things leaking between ‘verses, then I’ll make sure the truth is front page.”

Lena nodded. “That sounds perfectly reasonable,” she agreed. “Now, Miss Lane, I apologize for the unexpected guests, but please take a seat. How can I help you?”

Lois pulled up a chair next to Sara’s but didn’t sit right away. She handed her Mont Blanc to her best friend’s counterpart, because Lois “Mad Dog” Lane’s Pen was much too important to be set down willy nilly on a stranger’s desk. Dinah Lance—or Sara Drake, in this case—was trustworthy, though she did get a smack on the shoulder for preening over that fact. 

“I’m here on Superman’s behalf to deliver the “don’t hurt my cousin” speech. We thought it’d be intimidation overkill for him to show up in person.”

Lena stiffened and ground out, “I thought we’d established that I have no intention of threatening or harming either Super. I’m not my brother.” 

“Obviously,” Lois snorted. “We’re past Kryptonite bullets and onto more emotional means of breaking her heart.” 

“Miss Lane,” Lena sighed, biting her lip and looking distinctly uncomfortable, not unlike a middle schooler trying to tell a soccer mom that she wasn’t, in fact, crushing on her son. “As I only just explained to Sara, I have no romantic interest in Supergirl.”

Lois’s attention snapped to Kara, and Lena and Sara followed it to see panic on the girl’s face as Lois exasperatedly asked, “You haven’t told her yet? You said you were going to ages ago!” 

Kara looked down at her hands, abashed, and replied, “Well, gee, Lois—”

 _Yes, everyone heard that right. Gee, Lois._  

“—I was going to, but I—”

“Wimped out?” Lois finished. “You might actually be worse than…” She sighed. “Now’s your chance, kiddo. Secret’s basically up in smoke, anyway.” 

Reluctantly, Kara nodded and solemnly walked around Lena’s desk to stand in front of her, leaving Lois, who finally sat down, and Sara on the other side like spectators. “Lena,” she began. Then she looked over her shoulder and huffed, “Y’know, this is super awkward to do with an audience.” 

“You made your bed, hon,” Lois said. 

“I’m kinda stuck here,” Sara added, returning the pen. 

Lena continued to look perplexed and uneasy. 

“Lena,” Kara began again, “I really like you. You’re beautiful and brilliant, and you constantly undervalue yourself. You give me, like, crazy butterflies, and you make me smile, and you’re trying so hard to prove yourself the one _good_ Luthor, even though anyone who’s paying attention can see that you’re not only better than your brother but better than most of us, honestly. And I…” She took a deep breath, in and out. “I would really love to date you—”

By that point, Lena’s eyes were saucer-wide and her ears as red as Kara’s. 

“—Or at least take you out to dinner, if that’s alright.”

Sara coughed quietly—a lesson she’d learned because of Felicity—to keep Kara from babbling and ruining her speech. 

“I’d love that,” Lena whispered. 

Lois and Sara silently cheered. 

“Great! Awesome. Yeah, that’s…” Kara’s eyes flicked down to her shoes. “Okay, but, before you agree to this, you should know what you’re signing up for.” There was a long pause, then glasses were removed and, “I’m Supergirl.” 

In the stillness that followed, while a variety of emotions flashed across Lena’s face, Sara tried to imagine how difficult that must be firsthand—to be romantically invested in someone who didn’t know about and might disapprove of her secret identity. 

But Lena was smiling, relief evident in her eyes. “Oh, Kara,” she said, reaching for and taking the girl’s hand. “As I said, I wasn’t interested in Supergirl because I believed I didn’t know her.” She tugged Kara closer and used her sturdiness as leverage to stand up herself. “I do know _you_. Or, at least, I know you well enough to care about you quite a lot.” She took a step forward. “And, well, given how anxiety-prone you are, I’m glad to know your _super_ heart will hold up if I do this.”

And, right then and there, Lena cupped Kara’s face in her palms and pulled her down for a kiss. 

Sara whistled. 

Lois slapped her lightly on the arm. 

“Hey!” Sara objected, jokingly indignant, “You can’t hit a pregnant woman!” 

When they returned their attention across the desk, Kara and Lena were still kissing. 

“Okay, enough of that,” Lois commanded. 

A burst of noise crackled through the intercom preceding, “You can’t—! Miss Luthor, Alex Danvers is—” 

The door flew open, and a brunette in all black stormed in with her finger already pointed at Lena in accusation. But her anger died a comically theatrical death as four pairs of eyes blinked at her. Her face quickly started to go pink. 

The calm Sara had settled into evaporated; she was instantly on edge and running through potential stratagem. The other woman’s gun was problematic, as was her own limited mobility, but she mentally checked her own concealed weapons and prepared for a fight. She felt like such an idiot for letting herself get boxed into a room with an armed stranger. 

“Who the hell is that?” she whispered to Lois, wishing she’d kept the damn pendant on. 

“Alex Danvers. Kara’s foster sister.” Noticing the protective arm Sara had curled around her abdomen, Lois added, “Don’t worry, she’s a good guy. A little neurotic is all.”

“You forgot to mention, literally anywhere in your story, that Alex was a woman and also _your sister_ ,” Sara growled at Kara under her breath. 

“Um, sorry?”

Upon hearing Alex finally stutter, “Heeeyyy, Sara. What, uh, what are you doing here?” the blonde felt less threatened and more confused in equal proportions. 

“What is _she_ doing here?” Lena scoffed. “My office is turning into a zoo.”

Kara, who still had her arms around Lena, snorted, “Alex. Wrong Sara.” 

She went unheard. 

Standing, because she still hated having her back to anyone she didn’t trust, Sara offered a small wave. 

Alex gaped. “You’re pregnant.”

“Keenly detected,” Sara drawled sarcastically. “No wonder this Earth doesn’t need a Batman.”

“Were you, when we…? How long—Who even is the father?”

“No father,” Sara bit out, resentful of the question that she’d heard a million times too many. 

Crossing her arms over her chest and cocking her head slightly, Alex replied, “There has to be a father.”

“No,” Sara growled, “no, there really doesn’t.” 

Lois helpfully elaborated, “The other parent’s a mother, but she won’t say who.”

“Wait.” Alex blinked. “A biological mother?”

Sara shrugged noncommittally, not really in the mood for a conversation about the mechanics of her baby’s conception. Never, in a million years, could she have been prepared for Alex to take a step forward and demand, “Is it mine?” 

“Is it—” Only seeing her own bewilderment mirrored on Lois’s face convinced Sara that she hadn’t imagined that question, because, “How the actual fuck could you even think that’d be possible?” 

Alex started rambling about what the multiverse meant for biology and other nerdy stuff, but Sara got distracted by a tug in her gut: the sort of sensation Wally used to love to debate her on the validity of, back before Doctor Fate destroyed his refusal to believe in any force more mystical than electromagnetics. 

“Oh, my god, Alex!” Kara interrupted loudly, “It’s not your baby!” 

“How do you know?”

“Because he’s mine,” declared an achingly familiar voice. 

Three figures stepped into the room, silhouettes in front of the bright glow of a rapidly fading portal. 

Sara was in her wife’s arms in an instant. “I’m so glad to see you,” she murmured. Then, “Did you say “he”?” 

“Your conviction is contagious,” Nyssa replied, ghosting her fingers over Sara’s stomach affectionately. “We still have not even discussed female names.” 

“Timothy could totally be a girl’s name.”

“Whatever you say, beloved.” 

She heard Alex say something that sounded like a French attempt at, “John?” and looked up to see the Martian Manhunter frowning bemusedly.

“Did she just call me Shawn?” he asked.

“Maybe your doppelgänger is trying to mix things up?” Sara guessed, laughing. “J’onn,” she annunciated for the Earth-38 folks, “Juh-awn. The apostrophe’s not for, like, aesthetics.”

“Your Earth has Martians?” Alex asked in disbelief. “Since when?”

“And Kryptonians and Homo Magi and whatever the heck Brainiacs are—”

“Coluan,” Nyssa supplied helpfully.

In exasperation, Kara reiterated, “I tried to tell you, this is a different Sara, Alex.”

Alex turned bright red again. “Oh, my god. Oh, my—I’m so sorry.”

Sara shrugged, ignored whatever was going on there, and wound one of Nyssa’s curls around her index finger. They’d gotten really good at maneuvering around her belly, but she missed the way they used to fit. “How’d you know to come find me?” she wondered aloud.

“I felt your distress. You appear uninjured,” Nyssa observed, though she sounded worried.

“Well, yeah, a rando with a gun barged in and tried to stake a claim on my baby, so I might’ve freaked out a little.”

“I’m so, so sorry about that,” apologized Alex. “I though you were someone else.”

Always focused on the important things, Cisco asked, “Are we gonna talk about the fact that Kara and Lena Luthor are a thing on this Earth?”

Sara looked away and whistled nonchalantly before relenting, “We miiight have to do a teeny bit of retcon. In my defense, I didn’t influence anything that wasn’t about to happen anyway. Lois had a meeting set up with Lena before I even thought about coming here.”

Nyssa shook her head. “You and Lois causing trouble is as reliable as sunrise.”

The blonde grinned at Lois, who mouthed back, “Classic.”

“Just, y’know, photoshop me out of their memories,” Sara told Martian Manhunter.

“I can always count on you to make the most absurd analogies, Canary,” he chuckled fondly.

“See! You need me around to make things more entertaining.”

“Perhaps, but what she’s—” Sara felt him mentally gesture to Alex “—thinking about at the moment is a form of entertainment I did not need.”

An image of her and Kara’s sister in bed together flashed across the mind link. Apparently, Alex slept with one of Sara’s doppelgängers, which explained everything about the way she’d been acting. It also meant both Danvers sisters had mistaken her for that person. For someone who had casual sex with people from other universes without thinking about the repercussions.

Sara’s demeanor changed instantly. Gone was any trace of playfulness. Instead, fury clouded her expression.

“Which is it?” she demanded, looking rapidly from Alex to Kara.

“What?”

“Which Earth’s Sara Lance is studding her way around the multiverse?”

Kara silently held up her index finger.

Sara stalked over and put her hand on Lois’s shoulder. “You’re not going to remember meeting me, but thanks for always having my back.” She hugged the reporter, then grabbed Nyssa’s hand and marched over to Cisco. “We’re going to Earth-freaking-1. Now.”

They found Earth-1 Sara alone in a clearing, surrounded by unfamiliar woods. She tensed, but her jaw went slack at the group in front of her. The awed appraisal glossed over Martian Manhunter, who had taken the form of his human identity, and stopped for only a beat on Cisco. Only when her pregnant double stepped forward did she tear her longing gaze from Nyssa.

Sara walked right into her doppelgänger’s personal space—or as close as she could get, at least—and jabbed her in the chest. “Listen,” she growled, “You might not be committed to anyone, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us appreciate you spreading your fuckboi reputation across the multiverse.”

“Huh?”

“Stop. Sleeping. With. People. From. Other. Earths.”

Earth-1 Sara glanced nervously at Nyssa and protested, “It was just one hook up. I didn’t—”

“That’s not the point!” Sara said through gritted teeth. “I mean, it _is_ the point, sort of. You can’t go to another universe like it’s fucking spring break or some shit. You have my face, asshole. What if it was my Earth, and someone saw you and told my wife? Or maybe there’s a Sara out there with a husband, or a regular job, or running for president. Any one of our lives could be ruined by half an hour of irresponsibility on your part. Did that even occur to you?”

Cisco snickered, “Is this a cursing relapse?”

“Shit! Motherfu—no. No, I was doing so well!”

The other Sara simply stared at her in stunned silence.

“You really are alone, aren’t you?” Sara sneered. “Have you convinced yourself this is who you are? Love ‘em and leave ‘em! Who cares? You don’t want to be tied down! Yeah, right. How self-destructive are you?”

“Perhaps we better go,” Nyssa decided, frowning at the horror in Earth-1 Sara’s eyes. “The Batman will explain this more…coherently.”

“You just don’t want to upset her because she looks like me,” Sara objected.

“I may have a soft spot for that face,” agreed Nyssa, guiding her wife to the portal Cisco had opened. “Stop glaring. Let’s go home.”

Batman was waiting for them when they returned to Star Labs, exuding silent disapproval.

“Hey, I completed the mission!” Sara defended, throwing the pendant at him as she walked past. “You’re welcome.” She pulled Nyssa into an empty hallway and hung her head. “You were right. I’m sorry.”

“Sara, I’m not angry.”

“You’re not?”

“I fully expected you to do something like this. I will say, I had hoped you’d get it out of your system earlier in the pregnancy and in a less dangerous manner,” Nyssa said, pressing her palm to Sara’s cheek. “But loving you means accepting you. You’d hardly be the woman I love if you sat at home like an obedient housewife.”

“Love you, too.” Sara mumbled, suddenly exhausted. “Do you think our Earth-1 doppelgängers will find each other?”

Nyssa wrapped her arm around Sara’s waist, retrieving her phone with her free hand to inform Iris and Laurel that everything was fine. “I do not know,” she replied, “but I wish them the best.”

“How ‘bout Kara and Lena?” Sara yawned. “Think they’ll make it?”

With an indulgent smile, Nyssa kissed the blonde’s cheek and remarked casually, “I ship it.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is essentially me retconning DCTV and how my own work fits into that extended universe. I wrote it to vent my frustrations, which is why it’s somewhat disjointed, but let me know what you think. 
> 
> PS - Poor Alex. At least she gets to forget it all.


End file.
